There are times in our lives when we know something needs to change. That could be a relationship, role, pattern, way of working, or way of living that no longer fits. Something is calling us forward. That’s for sure - and this can be exciting. For me, it has mostly been scary first - then the excitement comes later. This is something I have learned to trust.
Why We Try to Control What We Can't Know
Change asks us to leave the familiarity (comfort) of what we know before we necessarily know what comes next (discomfort). And when we don't know, doubt can creep in. From the perspective of doubt, we can look outside ourselves for answers and try to predict or figure out the outcome, make the “right” decision, and create enough certainty to finally feel safe. This is how control can take hold - trying to feel safe. Also, trying to protect us from uncertainty, disappointment, or loss - essentially pain.
Listening to Your Inner Knowing
One’s inner knowing doesn't typically arrive as a clear answer. It may be a sensation in the body, a longing that keeps returning, a conversation we know we need to have, a quiet no rising from within, or an unexpected yes. No matter what, we don't have to act immediately. And first, we can listen - listen within and listen big. We can let this listening lead us - I call this listening-led leadership. A deep listening practice I use is this - repeat to myself - “what I know in my bones to be true is…” then listen… and bring curiosity.
What If You Trusted What You Already Know?
Then, there’s trust - what if there is another way? What if I don't need to know the entire path now? What if that is an essential part of the process and how magic and miracles come through? What if I trusted what I already know? That I am enough, that I have my own back, and that I got this… What if I trusted myself to meet whatever happens next head-on and with courage? That I have what it takes to do this - whatever this is…
Trust Is Not the Same as Certainty
Trust isn't certainty that everything will work out the way we want. Trust is believing in our capacity to respond to life as it unfolds and knowing there is a bigger vision at play to discover - and that aligning with this vision will allow things to align.
Exploring Change Through Psychodrama
A reason I love psychodrama is that we don't only talk about anything - especially change - we explore and discover through action. We make what is happening inside of us visible so that we can discover new choices and new responses to our circumstances - in action.
A Psychodramatic Practice: From Control to Possibility
Here is a Simple Psychodramatic structure using a locogram to try something in action around to transform control.
Begin at Center
Center in the middle of a space/room first as a place to begin - perhaps pick a pillow or scarf to represent Center - then from Center, choose five places in the space/room and name them: CONTROL → CURIOSITY → TRUST → POSSIBILITY → OTHER (In psychodrama, we always have OTHER.) You could place a scarf, chair, or another object to represent or “concretize” the role.
Step Into Control
Begin from Center by first taking the role of Control - embodying the role, notice your body, and Ask: What am I trying to force, protect, or prevent? Where do I feel this in or around my body? Listen deeply within to the response. Speak back to Center if that feels right.
Move Into Curiosity
Then return to Center, and when ready, move to and become Curiosity. Ask: What if there is another way? What might that be? What is there for me to discover in all of this? Listen deeply within to the response. Speak back to Center if that feels right.
Embody Trust
Return to Center and then move into the role of Trust. Embody Trust - linger here and drop in… without trust, nothing works… Ask: What do I already know, and what can I trust about myself? What can I trust in this discovery? Listen deeply within to the response. Speak back to Center if that feels right. (I recommend always moving through Center, but from trust it might feel aligned to share with Control and Curiosity directly too… follow your intuition.)
Step Into Possibility
When ready, return to Center and take in the work so far. When ready, move into the role of Possibility. Ask: What becomes possible when I don't have to know exactly how this will turn out? What am I standing for in all of this? What matters to me the most? Listen deeply within to the response. Soliloquy here could be powerful…
Return to Center
Come back to Center and let all the information come through.
Create a New Response Through Collage
Journal what comes through or make a verbal download into a voice memo. Sometimes transformation begins with simply recognizing: I have another response available… I have a choice. In my experience, collage and vision boards have been powerful tools.
I invite this as well. I invite you to create a collage concretizing this new response - this choice - that inspired action - the Possibility you have stood in and for.
Your Life Is Yours to Bloom
Remember - your life is yours to bloom.
