"Sometimes the greatest transformation isn't becoming someone new; it's allowing yourself to become who you've always been."
This month's Pause at the Well reading invited us into a quiet but profound truth: somewhere along the way, many of us learned to disconnect from ourselves. Not because we wanted to. But because we had to - we adapted to survive.
We learned to soften our opinions so others would feel comfortable and prevent rejection or abandonment. We quieted our voices to avoid conflict and prevent hurt. We became who others expected us to be, rather than who we knew ourselves to be, to protect and preserve connection. We wore masks that once protected us but eventually became prisons - prisons of our own making, doing, and having.
This month asks a simple question: What would happen if I stopped abandoning myself?
What It Means to Stop Abandoning Yourself
There is nothing wrong with your authentic nature - it is not and was not a mistake. You are not a mistake and you are not wrong. The ingredients of your authenticity are your unique brew - medicine for your authentic self to thrive. This is your sacred medicine for your own healing and offering to the world. When we stop apologizing for our authentic nature - we embrace it instead. Our sensitivity fuels our creativity which can then be an expression of our passion. Our voice expresses this - and when aligned with our needs, wants and desires being prioritized and fulfilled - glimmers of joy show up.
Stop Outsourcing Your Identity
Not outsourcing your identity by running it through filters that dilute and self-deny. How many of your decisions are filtered through questions like will this person or that person approve of me or like me? Will they get me, understand me? What if my authenticity causes them to abandon me so I abandon myself to preserve the connection? What is the impact of this? These are critical questions to be with...
Every time we look outside ourselves for validation or for what we think is where our worth is sourced before aligning with our own heart first, we bit by bit disconnect from our inner wisdom, which is the source of our authentic nature. This is selling ourselves out - and this sure has a cost!
The Identities You've Outgrown
It’s a natural part of growth and transformation to shed identities you've outgrown. How is that true for you?
- How has being a people pleaser shown up in your life as away of preserving what you think you need to survive?
- How does being a peacemaker show up in your life and how does avoiding conflict go - for real?
- Where does being an overachiever or overdoer come into play for you and what you're out to prove?
- What about being the invisible one - the one who stays small, or hidden? What is really like to not be seen? Heard? Don't we all deeply and truly want to be seen and heard?
- What about being the strong one who never asks for help - how have you outgrown this? How does this strong one deserve to be honored and supported?
Consider yours… and how identities may have once kept you safe but now hold you trapped in a prison of your own design. Transformation on the level of identity begins by thanking these parts for their protection and gently letting them retire... with grace and respect.
Authenticity May Change Your Relationships
Do you believe that authenticity costs too much? Well, relationships can indeed shift. Some people may misunderstand you. Some may prefer the version of you that never challenged them. That doesn't mean you're becoming less lovable. It means you're becoming more real. And the right relationships for your belonging and authenticity don't require you to disappear - they invite you to be yourself.
Courage Comes Before Confidence
Are you waiting until you're fearless? The reading reminds us that transformation happens one layer at a time. One conversation. One boundary. One honest moment. One courageous choice. It’s not possible to become fully overnight what your soul’s destiny is calling you to be. It’s truly a journey with stages and stones along the way. You simply need to become a little more yourself today than you were yesterday. And practice taking the actions necessary even if fear is present.
The Bloom Invitation
This month, instead of asking,
"Who do I need to become for people to accept me, like me, or belong?"
Instead ask yourself,
"What and who do I need to stop pretending being?"
Because underneath every protective layer, underneath every mask and every story about not being enough, is YOU - the person your soul has always known you to be. The work isn't to create that person. The work is to stop covering this being up.
Pause. Breathe. Trust your inner wisdom. What you know in your bones and cells to be true. Instead of shrinking or pretending, choose one small act that honors your authentic self and let your soul shine - bloom into light.
